Late-Night Comics Target Trump's Latest 'Gold Card' Visa Scheme

Television's top entertainers used their evening mocking ex-President Donald Trump's recently launched visa initiative, dubbed the "golden visa," portraying it as a clear pay-to-play system for the affluent.

Stephen Colbert's Witty Spin

Starting his show, Stephen Colbert delivered a satirical holiday tune targeting the commander-in-chief. "He is compiling a list, reviewing it twice, then handing that list to the officials at ICE," he sang. "Donald Trump ... destroys each thing he comes into contact with."

The focus was the controversial program which permits international citizens to acquire U.S. residence for an investment of a million dollars, or "platinum" tier for five million. A government website promises processing "faster than ever."

"A quick message for you to wealthy foreigners: prior to you pay, maybe think about Canada?" Colbert remarked.

He explained that the scheme is also intended to "squeeze cash" from companies wanting to hire foreign workers, requiring hefty fees. "That is a lot of fees, though if you enroll, you also get a complimentary stay at a property of your choosing – provided that it's the that one hotel," he added.

"Unprecedented vetting the government has before done," remarked Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to ensure these applicants completely meet the standard to be in America."

"That is important, you have to prove you're fit to be an American," Colbert said dryly. "Question one: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Blistering Commentary

On his late-night show, Jimmy Kimmel dubbed the initiative the "U.S. Access Express Card."

"It's a card that will allow rich overseas citizens to live here," he stated. "In exchange for a million bucks, you get legal visitor status, you get a pathway to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one significant crime of your choosing."

"It might be time to revise that message on the Statue of Liberty – never mind your tired masses. Hand over a million bucks, you're in!" he remarked.

Kimmel mocked the brevity of the form, saying it is "more difficult to start a Wordle account." He said that Trump "believes citizenship is something you can sell, like a steak."

"Exactly, the top people are the rich people," Kimmel said. "That's what Jesus constantly said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you give the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers covering Affordability Concerns

Meanwhile, Seth Meyers focused on Trump's slipping poll ratings amid financial anxiety. "Voters gave Donald Trump a second term because they were upset about the economy," he said.

This week, in a effort to address cost of living, Trump conducted a briefing in front of a display of grocery items, and behaved strangely to some cereal.

"What a nice job, I think I'm going to take a few of them with me to my cottage and have a lot of fun," Trump stated. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a long time."

"He is so fucking weird," Meyers responded. "Like, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What's the plan with those Cheerios?"

Meyers wrapped up by targeting right-leaning news coverage of Trump's economic performance. "Perhaps instead of voicing concerns, you should give him a shiny trophy similar to the one FIFA did," he laughed.